Before and After: A Remodel

Today was a big day in my walk with Christ, a culmination of months of wrestling with some big issues and fears in my heart.

Today I was baptized!

It all started back in March...see the below excerpt from my journal:

I woke up last night from a dream, a dream of being baptized. Even in the dream, as I went underwater, I experienced a feeling of 'death' to my old life, my sins, and a feeling of new birth in Christ. I woke up and experienced the most amazing peace and rest for my soul that I have ever known. It was as if in the quiet, dark stillness, it was just me and God, without the noise; the baggage and the crap were stripped away. Now I could feel the joy and glory of the Lord. I felt the 'seal' of God, the Spirit in me, God's special mark to set me aside as one of His treasures (See Eph 1:13-14).

Since that night, I have struggled with the meaning of this dream. Obviously, I felt, I needed to be baptized...the Catholic baptism I experienced as a baby was no longer sufficient in my heart. But I am a person who dislikes being the center of attention, and too paralyzed by my fears and doubts.

What would my family think?
Did I really need to do this? Surely God knew my heart.
People don't really have dreams from God nowadays, do they?
Am I crazy to place so much value and significance in a dream?

None of my attempts to justify away the dream worked. And I realized something:

This isn't about me. God deserves to be in the limelight.

See, after being baptized I don't exactly feel different than I felt this morning. The whole morning was an emotional, amazing blur... a celebration of God working in my life. However, looking back over the last 9 months, I see that I am a new creation in Christ, even if I have been paralyzed by fear and doubt to live that way.

But today I feel LIBERATED...I have told the world who and whose I am. I don't feel so afraid to share my faith, so worried about what other people will say. The doubts have been pushed out of my heart, at least for now.

And for me, that is an amazing after. Or the next before....