Feeling Beautiful

PHEW! It's been a busy couple of weeks...so busy, that I haven't written for a long time. In fact, I haven't felt inspired to write for a long time. Sad, but I've learned I can't force the creative side of my soul...that's not creativity.

This is a tough season for me, which might be why I've had writer's block. I've been so busy, with so many things. Part of this is good - God using me for a lot of pretty awesome Kingdom purposes. However, I think some of the busyness is me trying to avoid with the thoughts and feelings that come in the stillness. We women tend to be too good at scheduling ourselves. And let me tell you...avoiding something does not make it go away; it just makes sorting through your thoughts and emotions more difficult.

However, in the midst of the busyness and difficulty of this season, God has totally renewed me and given me new eyes about something.

He's reminded me what it's like to feel beautiful.

I don't like to admit it (and this is my pride talking here), but I went through the season of reading stuff like Captivating, Do You Think I'm Beautiful, and the cheesy-but-loved-by-everyone-but-me Redeeming Love. Lately, any book remotely like that just makes me want to projectile vomit. (Sorry if you're a fan).

I've grown so tired of the fairytale, so tired of the cheesy descriptions of picnics and meaningful conversations in Redeeming Love, so tired of people telling me to 'just trust God's plan for my life.'

So I dove deep into seeking first the Kingdom, to pouring into students, to reading good books that had nothing to do with dating or Christian relationships (or any romantic relationship, for that matter), and tried really hard to be a nice, pious Christian girl who didn't really seem to mind (at least at first glance when you see me in church) that it had been a really long time since I went on a date.

I convinced myself that I didn't need to feel beautiful. I didn't need to feel pursued. I didn't need to feel desirable.

We try so hard to lie to ourselves...do we ever truly, deep down, convince ourselves to the core of the lie?

But this weekend was different. I was blessed to be a bridesmaid for one of my favorite people ever, my friend Jennifer. What a whirlwind weekend! She was so amazingly beautiful, radiant, and happy in love. The ceremony and day were beautiful, celebrating the joining two people who love the Lord and each other.

And you know what? I felt beautiful too! (And, can I say, I even felt a little sexy in my bridesmaid dress?!)

God reminded me this weekend that you can seek first the Kingdom and be beautiful too. Too often, I think, we women forget this truth. We're too busy looking busy, trying to 0ut-serve, trying to not need to feel desirable or beautiful.

And that's a load of bull. The King is enthralled with your beauty. The truth sounds totally different from the lie, doesn't it?

So: wear the fun red lipstick. Buy (and wear!) the totally impractical but fun underwear. Really worship the King. Eat the amazing chocolate cake. And know and believe that you are beautiful, sexy, and desirable to the God of the universe.

God's truth always sounds different. And God's truth always, ultimately, wins.