Finding My Voice

In the few short weeks since I've been back from Haiti, I can't help feeling that I'm a totally different person...in the best way possible. I know I haven't written as many blog post as maybe I should after such an amazing trip, but I've been busy mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as I process through everything that I saw and experienced in that short but life-changing week.

Let me try to explain.

My pastor, David Chadwick, has been encouraging our church to pray that God would break our hearts for what breaks His. This is a scary, exciting, challenging prayer that seemed very appropriate in preparation for my trip to Haiti. I admit it - I prayed that prayer - and God answered it! My new brokenness is a scary and difficult place to be, but a place also of incredible beauty. It's a place I love, and I wouldn't give up that brokenness for a second.

But I'm learning that brokenness is a choice. Like I choose daily to pray and read the Word, I daily choose to be different and broken because of my experiences in Haiti. I choose to remember the people, the faces, the stories that are painfully, indelibly written in my mind. I can't lie - part of me wishes that I could forget - but I know that would make my experiences pointless. I remember the faces of the starving children. I remember orphans not knowing the meaning of a simple hug. I remember smiles of disabled children who will not live to adulthood.

It's really difficult to explain everything I saw and experienced to people who haven't been on missions trips, or to a place like Haiti. How can you explain that you worry about the safety of your new Haitian friends? I know, and many people have told me, that prayer is vital. But I've found it's not enough.

While I was in Haiti, my Haitian friend Roselene shared her favorite verse with me:

"The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."
-Exodus 14:14 // ESV

God tells this to Moses as the Israelites approach the Red Sea after leaving Egypt...the Egyptians are hot on their heels. There is no clear sign of hope, escape, or deliverance...at least not yet. I can't get this verse out of my head...because Roselene and my Haitian friends truly have no voice and little hope in this life. Most of the world does not know their faces, their stories, their struggles, their beautiful smiles.

But I do. And I can't stop thinking that I may be God's instrument to fight for them.

To me, praying for my Haitian friends is not enough. I've got to tell everyone I know about them, to plant seeds of change in our churches and communities. I cannot hold people accountable for what they do not know - but I can speak up and make certain that they know what life is really like in Haiti.

I have two amazing opportunities ahead to share the stories of my Haitian friends, and I covet your prayers as I prepare to speak with boldness and with God's own words for those who have no voice.

I am presenting an inservice at my work on Wednesday, October 26. It's amazing the number of requests I've received for an inservice on my mission trip from a secular workplace - but I love it! I will be speaking about the physical therapy components of the trip, the disability advocacy issues in Haiti, and general life conditions in Haiti. I'm really praying for people to ask questions that will open the door to share some of the Gospel components of the trip.

The student ministry at my church, Advance, is planning a mission trip to Haiti for spring break. On October 30, I will be on the main stage for student services with our student pastor, Ryan Carson, talking about Haiti!!! Normally, the idea of speaking in front of a large group of people, especially teenagers, makes me want to vomit. But I know I have a story to tell that no one else can tell, that these students must hear. I'm so convicted about speaking, that I know God must be majorly at work in me, and I definitely need a whole lotta prayer! :)

It's taken almost 29 years...but I think I have finally found my voice. Looking back over my life, especially the last three years, I see how much God's hand has been on me and constantly preparing me for this amazing experience. I can't wait to see what God has for me in the future because of my trip to Haiti, and what other opportunities are just around the corner.