Thunder and Stillness

In my last post, I quoted one of my friend Ashley's favorite verses:

"At this also my heart trembles
   and leaps out of its place.
Keep listening to the thunder of his voice
   and the rumbling that comes from his mouth.
Under the whole heaven he lets it go,
   and his lightening to the corners of the earth.
After it his voice roars;
   he thunders with his majestic voice,
   and he does not restrain the lightenings when his voice is heard.
God thunders wondrously with his voice;
   he does great things we cannot comprehend."
       --Job 37: 1-5

I prayed these verses as I began to prepare my heart to return to Haiti, and for all of the logistical things that have to start happening when you're going on a missions trip.  I was so overwhelmed with praise for God's pretty-darn-awesome plan for this season in my life, I prayed to continue to hear His voice with thunder and lightening.

Friends, be careful what you pray for!

Now, I would NEVER take back this prayer, but I have 'heard' much more clearly God's voice over the past three or four weeks.  He's revealing himself to me, revealing myself as He sees me and has designed me, showing me things about His future for me.  It's overwhelming, powerful, utterly sovereign...and it makes me kinda want to throw up. (And no, I am not posting here the things He has told me...sorry.)

Why do I need to know these plans God has for me for my future, when He has kept life hazy in the past, with a distant and muffled voice?  Why does His still, quiet voice thunder across my soul and wreak havoc in my brain, challenge me, gently break me and tear me apart?  Why does my silly human heart crave the old way of ignorance, not the new life of faith?  The experience is very strange, and incredibly difficult to put into words, let alone write about here or in my prayer journal. 

But...I love it.  I love the confusion, the "that thought did not come from me" conversation I have with myself, the way I am forced to truly bring these promises to God in prayer, patience, and obedience.  Honestly, the act alone of writing down what God reveals to me is a big act of faith...because now I've drawn the proverbial line in the sand and put a date on it. 

I see so much growth in myself over the past year, that I have grown to this point of faith and prayer and listening...it's very encouraging.  And I think as we grow in our walk with God, we are given greater responsibility.  Obviously, God has always planned these things for me, but I was unable to 'handle' this knowledge.  My faith roots have grown to the point I need to see a smidge of the bigger picture, to pray about the bigger picture, to live out these promises as already occurred reality.  And He's teaching me that I really need to learn to listen more.

I've been reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer over the past month (highly recommend!), and he closes each chapter with a prayer.  I'd like to close this post with his prayer on "The Speaking Voice" of God:

"Lord, teach me to listen.  The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them.  Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, 'Speak, for thy servant heareth.'  Let me hear Thee speaking in my heart.  Let me get used to the sound of Thy Voice, that its tones may be familiar when the sounds of earth die away and the only sound will be the music of Thy speaking Voice.  Amen."