Tears and the Resurrection

On Thursday, I went to my church's Maundy Thursday service.  Always so solemn and so unsettling.  Acoustic music, darkness, communion, and the sound of nails being driven into a wooden Cross.  A time of reflection on the three days to come.  I am always overwhelmed with sadness.  On that night, Jesus' death on the Cross is so real, brutal, inhumane, and necessary for me.  But I leave in hopeful anticipation of Easter Sunday.

This year I was especially touched by a woman sitting a few rows in front of me.  She was crying so hard (and loudly) during the reading of the Crucifixion narrative that a lady across the aisle got up to give her Kleenex.

And I wondered.

Why wasn't I crying?

My closest friends and family would tell you that I'm a crier...and usually at inopportune times and places.  Like in the middle of TCBY with my best friend after volunteering at youth group service, during prayer requests in my adult life group, or when I'm trying to stand up and make a point with my parents.

I felt bad that I couldn't cry for the death of my Savior, although I knew my soul was hurting deeply.  Then I realized that some things are too painful, too deep to your core, too hurtful to cause tears.  Like the first time I was in an orphanage in Haiti and really imagined what it might be like to grow up without your parents.  Or meeting Samuel, a sweet Haitian boy with Duchenne's muscular dystrophy, which causes a horrible death in the States with modern medicine and a horrible death beyond imagining in Haiti.  I WANT to cry, but it hurts just too much.  I remember a professor telling us in therapy school a story of his wife dislocating her shoulder while skiing...she was in too much pain to cry.  Her silence made him know it was serious and made them book it down the mountain to the nearest medical establishment.

So maybe, not crying Thursday night was not a bad thing, but a deep-soul-clenching-sorrow thing.

Tonight I went to my church's Easter service....and I did cry.  Tears of joy in the redemption God has given me, His forgiveness, His healing power, and the way He has transformed me from who I was in my selfishness to who He has always designed and created me to be. 

Respond to Easter, to the events of Holy Week, however your heart tells you.  Tears of sadness and tears of joy are appropriate for the Crucifixion and Resurrection when you fully understand them both.  But we MUST understand and respond to what happened this week to fully embrace the power, the wonder, the glory of our God.