In the Throne Room

It's been way too long since I've written a post...but I can only write when directed, and that part of me has been quiet for a couple of weeks.

I've been filled with a vague sense of unease, a stuck-in-the-middle feeling I couldn't quite nail down. The best way I can describe it is that I felt pulled simultaneously by my old ways, my old self, while being pulled forward towards the person I was created to be. Except the backwards pull seem stronger than the forwards. Maybe it was facing some of the demons of the past. Maybe it was getting older and facing that I am not where I planned to be in my perfect little head. Maybe it was a sense that God was quieter in my heart...but overall I didn't like the feeling and couldn't find the inspiration to write.

Fast forward to this week...seemingly random events had been directing me towards the book of Revelation, culminating when I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about the Rapture. Sadly, I don't remember what exactly I was dreaming about, but I'm sure it was pretty awesome.

I reckon if you wake up dreaming about a book in the Bible, God's trying to get you to read it. So I cracked open my Bible and dug out a study book on Revelation I bought a few months ago and abandoned after the first couple of chapters.

This week I've been studying chapters 4 and 5 of Revelation, when John is taken to the throne room of Heaven. Beyond the sometimes psychedelic imagery and crazy figurative language is a picture of amazing worship. In the throne room, the angels, elders, and living creatures put God at the center. Nothing else is anywhere near being the center of Heaven...even Jesus comes after the Father.

Was that me? I wondered. Is God truly at the center of me and my worship?

I found myself face to face with my own selfishness, and it was smacking me in the face. Even with prayer and conscious thought to remove my idols, I haven't been successful. I'm still a slave to so many (ultimately pointless) idols and material, temporary gods. I realized my selfishness, my sinfulness, my idols were still separating me from God...that as a human, I would never be able to truly break free of them.

Luckily, it's not about me (I'm learning what a wonderful thought this can be). Jesus is all I need to come close to God; He fills the gap and breaks the barriers I build up in this world. I remembered 2 Cor 12:9..." 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Instead of being discouraged by my selfishness and sense of unrest, I am encouraged by John's vision in the throne room. That Christ is enough. That my debt is paid. That I have grace upon grace upon grace from God. That I will continue to pray for my idols to be removed, that I may come closer to experiencing the throne room of Heaven here on earth.

That someday, I will truly come to the throne room of Heaven and take part in the most amazing worship ever. Because in Heaven, everything except God will fall away; I will finally be truly free.

I can't wait!