Learning to Pray

Growing up Catholic, I don't think I ever really learned to pray. Granted, I can still recite 'Hail Mary,' 'Our Father,' or the Apostles' Creed without difficulty (or engaging my brain, for that matter). But it wasn't until I was older, that I began attending Protestant church and learning that I could have a personal relationship with God, that I began to learn to pray.

I tried every trick in the book to figure out how I should pray, and I do believe it is a discipline that needs to be tailored to each person's talents and gifts. I've learned I pray best, ie with the best connection and attention to God, when I write. Hence, I usually have my journal with me (and write this blog).

While I've really developed this spiritual discipline in myself over the past years, I've been really challenged with my prayer life lately.

See, currently my parents are living out their dream and sailing in their sailboat to the Bahamas January - April 2011 (check out their blog, I helped them set it up!). It is so awesome to see them being fulfilled and living out their dream, although it is totally not my dream. But I am struggling with not being able to talk to them whenever I want - their cell phones don't work and have been disconnected until they get home. And while we Skype and email, I realize how much and often I like to talk to them...on demand style. Mostly, I'm realizing, I need someone to whom I can complain, vent, and get out my emotions safely.

This week I was faced with some challenging news and was upset I couldn't vent it to my parents...and had an amazing brainwave: God is always present with me, and tells me to pray continuously multiple times in the Bible. Why don't I pray about it?!

Now, while I love writing my prayers, it can be very humbling to read your thoughts and realize what a selfish brat you really are deep down. I came face to face with my fears, doubts, selfishness, materialism, and judgmental thoughts...and it was UGLY. And that was my prayer to the Creator of the world.

So very humbling to realize how much I need a Savior and daily grace.

So very humbling to realize how much more I rely on human people for comfort than my eternal living Father.

So very humbling to be reminded of my inner yuck and nastiness, the depth of my sin nature.

But the experience was so cathartic...by praying, my soul was calmed and quieted, the crazy noise left me, and I could begin to trust God all over again. I could see that this season in my life is about learning to really pray and trust God, to turn over everything to Him (this might be a remedial lesson for me).

Jesus died so we could have this amazing connection with God, constantly. I think I/we are minimizing the depth and breadth of his sacrifice when we fail to use the power of prayer as it was intended to be utilized.

So warm up those breath prayers and stretch out your knees...He wants to hear from us!