Over the last few weeks, I read one of the best books I've ever read...The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It was originally recommended to me years ago, by multiple friends, but I never had the stamina and courage to undertake reading it - it's over 700 pages long.
But in December, I was really craving a book that would challenge me, encourage me, and make me think outside of my comfort zone. Karamazov is perfect when you're in that boat, but is definitely not for the faint of heart. The novel centers on three brothers, Dmitri, Ivan, and Alyosha, in a small Russian village before and after the brutal murder of their father, a philanderer, womanizer, and man of highly questionable character and business practices. Add in a few familial love triangles and a character who is possibly an illegitimate additional brother, and we've got a plot that would land on any daytime talk show with some good soap opera fights.
I was amazed to find myself identifying with aspects of ALL of the characters, who are amazingly complex and real. Each battles internally with good and evil; no one is predictably 'all good' or 'all bad'. I identify with Dmitri's passions, his prioritization of comfort and luxury, his stupid, poorly planned actions. I see in myself Ivan's tendency to overthink things to the point he can't believe in anyone or anything. I crave for the faith of Alyosha, but also see how, like him, my faith can easily stumble when one small thing goes against how I think the world should be. Even oily, unctuous Smerdyakov, the rejected servant and possible illegitimate Karamazov, has aspects of my own personality. Haven't we all felt rejected, unloved, and trampled on to the point of being shaped (temporarily, at least) by our revenge, bitterness, and inner evil? I felt myself having the same internal psychological and theological doubts and debates as the characters.
But the best part of reading Karamazov was how it changed how I read and how much it reminded me of reading the Bible. There are passages in Karamazov that made me want to give up, for example, Ivan's 8+ page debate on his poem about the Inquisition and his theological beliefs. I had to learn to see the big picture - that he's overthought the issue to the point of being ridiculous. Once I could get to that point, I could better understand Dostoyevsky's point and enjoy the story. Too often when reading the Bible, I find that I can get discouraged for the same reason...a passage is just too confusing, or over my head. But what is it God is teaching me now in His word? Then, I can see the forest from the trees and grow and learn.
Plus, like the characters of Karamazov, I see myself in the characters of the Bible. I am all of them, and yet none of them; their stories strangely echo my story. None of us are purely evil or purely good (well, Jesus was pure good, but he's the exception), and we all struggle internally with our faith, our beliefs, our lifestyles.
My favorite part of the ending of Karamazov (no spoilers, I promise) is that we don't exactly know what happens. After the struggles, challenges, and growing experiences of the brothers over 718 pages of literary goodness, we are left to imagine how they live out the remainder of their lives. Do these experiences change them? Do they become reformed, upright characters, or return to their sinful, broken ways? Is their faith shattered or strengthened by the events surrounding the death of their father? I have to admit, I was reminded of the book of Jonah when I finished the novel - hope definitely exists, but we don't know what happens. In my opinion, that's the best kind of ending, much better than Hollywood endings where everything is tied up nice and neat and everyone gets everything they want, with no loose ends or remaining issues.
Finishing The Brothers Karamazov around New Year's also shaped some of my new year's goals (I have goals, not resolutions). I'm realizing how much I grow by reading challenging materials, how much that appeals to me and my knowledge-hungry soul. I'm tired of reading lightweight, feel-good Bible studies...what about the Word itself? Why have I turned away from the best, most challenging book ever written and to comfortable but mindless material?
My goal is to dig in to the Word this year, and also read lots of books by lots of Christian thinkers, to know what many people are thinking and learning. I'm relearning how I learn, how I learn who God is and how He pursues me. I can't wait for what's next!
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