Rwanda

God loves to twist the storyline, doesn't He?

A few months ago I though I knew my plan for the fall...work, some fun weekends away with friends, planning my significant upcoming birthday celebration, and returning to Haiti to continue the Special Schools Project our team of therapists and special education teachers began in February.

But God had bigger plans for me, plans that really don't make sense at all to me. 

Instead, I'm going to Rwanda.

Moment of honest, blunt transparency: I never really wanted to go to Africa.  I never really wanted to go on a missions trip with people from my church.  I never wanted to serve internationally outside of being a physical therapist.

But somehow, I know I'm supposed to go on this trip. 

With eleven other women from my church, we will be spending a week at the Institute for Women's Excellence (or the IWE school), pouring into these middle and high school girls in a broken country, loving them, equipping them, and preparing them to be confident, godly women as they were created to be. 

I am excited, and I am joyful that I am going.  But I am also scared out of my wits to go to Africa.  I am scared to serve in a way that I can't really plan for, study for, or show in some way a level of competency.  Honestly, I kind of want to throw up if I think about it too much.  I don't feel like I have 'heard' God tell me to go like He's told me to go to Haiti in the past, yet everything has strangely, easily lined up and fallen into place.  So I guess that's as a pretty good yes from God, since He is so good at closing doors.  I'm learning to move forward in obedience until I'm told to stop, until the road is changed for me.  I just keep praying to hear more clearly His voice in this.

But as always, God comforts me in His word.  Isaiah 1:17 says,

"   learn to do good;
seek justice,
   correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
   plead the widow's cause."

Meditating on this, I realize, how I can I really determine what is justice on my own, what is good?  How can I limit myself to what I think, not what God thinks, are my gifts and skills, the ways that I can serve and love God's people and His world?  I can't define any of these concepts, any of these actions, without God leading me and showing my broken, sinful heart the way.

Last night at church, the pastor said something that really stuck with me.  Speaking on Ephesians 4, about the spiritual offices of the church and the ministry of the Church and all believers, he said that often our frustration with our modern Church comes from us not seeing big enough.  He said we are too focused on ourselves and not focused enough on ministry and reconciling all people to God.  Basically, we are immature believers

Maybe that's it.  Maybe my fear and anxiety about Rwanda, my frustrations with my current life, my questions about the future direction of my life and my spiritual growth, are from looking too narrow, too small...looking too much at me and not enough at my Creator.  I'm almost 30...time to grow up spiritually!  True surrender, truly learning what Isaiah 1:17 is all about, requires us to live way outside of ourselves and way inside of God. 

So...here we go!

Prayer requests with this adventure:
1.) Bonding and team-building as we prepare for the trip.
2.) Our individual and team fundraising efforts.
3.) For the girls of the IWE school and their teachers that we will serve.
4.) Safe travels, safety and health in country.
5.) That I don't feel like throwing up when I think about going to Africa :) (I'm only kind of joking here)