Be the Change

On Friday, I had a really interesting conversation with a coworker. It's caused me to really percolate on some big ideas. Welcome to my thoughts.

Coworker: "I don't know how you work with people with brain injuries. I hate it. I'm an agnostic/atheist, but why did God save these people? What 'good' can come from these horrible injuries and impairments?"

Me: "It will be a long time before anything like that is explained to us."

Coworker: "if ever."

Looking back, I am so disappointed and frustrated with myself that I didn't have a better answer, that I didn't make the most of this opportunity to share the love of Jesus, that I wasn't in that moment connected with the Spirit...although that can be sticky sitting around the staff room of a secular workplace.

See, now I think her real question, her unspoken question, was this: "How can you, a person of faith, work in a hospital like this one, see so much death and pain and sadness, and still believe in God?"

And that deserves an answer.

I have worked in hospitals for about 3 years now, and have come to recognize that hospitals are a microcosm of the human experience. Death, life, joy, fear, laughter, hope, tears, faith; almost every emotion in the human experience occurs inside these walls. Working in a hospital has strengthened, not weakened, my faith in God.

Yes, I see so much sadness, pain, and death that my heart breaks a little bit every day. Part of me is scared at the way my heart has become accustomed, calloused, and impervious to the sorrow and grief I am exposed to every day. However, without the rain and storm, how can you appreciate the sunshine? Unless you know good, how can you know bad?

I don't think God intended for us to suffer and hurt like this. We were created to be with Him, not to live in this fallen world. He can't always stop the sin and suffering of this world. Although God cannot change the sin of our world, He always provides a solution, the change, the trump card. And I've realized I am the change.

I cannot change what has happened to these people. But I can change what happens next, how these patients and families leave the hospital and prepare to return to their lives. God intends to somehow use these situations for good - I know this deep in my heart and gut. Even if the only good is that I am better prepared to help the next patient with similar injuries, that my heart is changed.

I believe we were all created to be the change, the trump card, for some sin, some situation, some problem in this world. What are you supposed to change for the good?

My work is challenging, exhausting on so many levels, but so rewarding. Because I have found my calling, my ministry.

I am the change I was meant to be.