Being Still

This week was a week for addressing New Year's goals, namely, to spend time learning more about the more godly woman I've become over the past year or so...who is the transformed Erin? I took the plunge, took some PTO not to go anywhere or do anything except "Be still, and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10). It seemed selfish, I admit. Spend a whole 2 days just with myself, spending time with God in prayer and reading? Why, yes.

In planning for my 'solo in-town retreat,' God spoke to me....I felt called to take a technology fast for 24 whole hours. To truly be still.

So, from 9:30 am Thursday until 9:30 am Friday, my computer, television, and beloved iPod touch remained off. My phone was on silent. I went to a cafe I'd never been to, in a part of town I never hang out in, and read my Bible (Romans - God's idea) and N.T. Wright's Surprised by Hope (more blog posts to come from that book, to be sure).

After 30 minutes of reading, I was going nuts.

My thoughts were deafening and tough to handle.

During my quiet time that morning, I tried an exercise recommended by Rob Bell in Sex God to help you 'be naked' with your thoughts before God and others - to see what's really in your heart. Answering questions in your journal about your frustrations, anger, anxiety, fears, stressors, concerns, and anticipations is simultaneously cathartic and disgusting (to see what's really deep down in your heart). I didn't want to have to process all of the emotions I was feeling...it was too painful. I was ultimately reminded how much I need a Savior and daily grace.

And the silence was deafening.

I mean, I definitely needed to check Facebook to check on my Advance students. And what if I missed a really funny tweet? What if John Piper's blog posted something really interesting and thought-provoking? Wouldn't reading be more fun with Lecrae in the background on my iPod?

I realized how much I use technology to block out God's voice...in the process of 'connecting' with the world, I have unwittingly disconnected from Him. In the silence He did not change, but my heart absolutely changed. It was amazing to realize how much more I could hear Him, understand and grow in His word, and learn about who He is. My prayers changed as I was challenged by something much bigger than me. While I did not 'get an answer' to the questions really on my heart for my retreat, realizing more of who God is was infinitely better.

When I emerged from my fast, I did check Twitter, Facebook, and the blogs I follow. And guess what? I didn't miss anything. However, when 're-acclimating' myself, I did feel the noise, the clutter creep back into my soul. The quiet, still voice receded to the background. How easily I could disconnect from the Divine after such work to re-connect!

In light of this realization, I find it very ironic that I will post links to my blog on Facebook and Twitter...to fill others' minds with additional clutter to possibly disconnect you from the Lord. But I think we all need to realize how difficult it can be in our fast-paced, entertainment crazy, technology driven world to really be still, to know and hear God. We need to realize what we may do in our idle time that is preventing us from hearing and doing what we are here to do.

Don't get me wrong...I still love my iPod, but I love hearing God more :). What about you? What do you need to block out to let God in?