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The gist? In our modern culture, appearance is everything. Our relationships are based not on our character, but on our dress size, makeup, our hairstyle. I was especially troubled when the writer from Cosmopolitan commented that she would need to be careful in her marriage relationship, as she was currently 5 months pregnant and couldn't affort to let her appearance slip too much. And yet, 39% of men say that family is the ultimate status symbol? Is this the kind of Mr. Right, our knight in shining armor, that society plants in our imaginations from an incredibly young age?!
As someone who volunteers with high school girls, I could scream. So much of our ministry is spent teaching girls, using our words and our actions, that your value, your beauty, your relationship potential is defined by identity with God. Your value has no relationship to your waistline, dress size, or number of Facebook friends.
So I was a little riled up about all of this as I drove around, met friends for lunch, and ran errands. I had a nice little men-are-stupid-self-centered-pigs and what-is-society-teaching-us thought party. Sorry guys, the inner man-hater came out of its nasty cave for a minute. Then I had another epiphany.
A whole lotta Christians have their constantly perpetuating fairy tale about relationships too. This fairy tale is just as unrealistic and possibly damaging as culture telling us we have to stay thin to keep our husbands. I'm not going to make a bunch of friends by saying this, but our Christian fairy tale is Redeeming Love.
A ton of my girl friends love the book Redeeming Love, and more power to them. Don't get me wrong, I think the book has a powerful message about how God pursues us in our mess ups and redeems even the worst of situations. I appreciate the ties the book has to the book of Hosea.
But seriously, ladies...do you really think you can find a man as perfect as Michael Hosea? Physically perfect, emotionally available and always receptive to your needs, spiritually strong and never doubting? He's so, well, annoyingly perfect, that no real man can live up to that kind of expectation, unless he's God himself. I'm not saying we should settle, but I am saying that God may throw in a few 'character building traits' in with the non-negotiable (to me) spiritual strength of character. I'm willing to be graceful with annoying character traits like hitting the snooze button 10+ times every morning and wanting a television in our bedroom for a guy who's willing and able to be a spiritual leader of our family.
I'm realizing, as I write this, that both sexes as well as both Christian and contemporary culture have a ton of fairy tales about how relationships are supposed to be, or how the opposite sex is supposed to look/act/etc.
We all need to give each other a break. Seriously.
Besides, do you really want the fairy tale love, when nothing ever goes wrong because everything is super perfect? Don't you get bored with cliche, predictable romantic comedies? My favorite movies are old movies, like Casablanca and Roman Holiday, that don't have picture-perfect endings, but speak deeply to my soul about love, sacrifice, and character.
In the words of one of my favorite singers, Sara Bareilles, "I don't care for your fairy tales." I want the real thing, with the grit and the struggle and the mountain heights with the peaks. Without the pain, how can you see the true beauty?
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